Creating Abhimanyu!

I was brought up with a constant dosage of Ramayana and Mahabharata stories. May it be my maternal grandmother or my paternal grandmother, they fed me all their learnings from the scriptures in the form of epic stories, mythical characters and sometimes anecdotes. And one such tale strikes to me more than others - The Tale of Abhimanyu. Most of us would know it, but for the benefit of what I want to drive I am going to retell it in short. It so happened that while Subhadra, Arjun's wife, was pregnant with a child Lord Krishna was having a conversation with her about warfare. He was explaining to her about the Military formation called The Chakravhyu known to be one of the unbreakable ones when she fell asleep. And yet, he heard "Hmmm" "Hmmm" sound that her unborn child was making signifying that he was listening to the tactics to enter it. When the Lord realized this he stopped at once. Years after this incident, during the War of Mahabharata, Abhimanyu successfully entered the Chakravhyu Formation but did not know how to get out of it, and was killed. So goes the tale of Abhimanyu!

Most of us know Abhimanyu as someone who learnt warfare in his Mother's womb. But how many of us thought it to be true? How many of us thought of Creating Abhimanyu? Of course, I am not referring to the mystical "Hmmm" that Lord Krishna heard from Subhadra's womb or the fact that he learnt Half the Art of Breaking Chakravhyu and then got killed. I am referring to the fact that we as individuals start learning whilst in the mother's womb. Did you, as parents, think that you can actually influence the personality of your unborn child? Did you ever, in your wildest dreams, fathom that you can actually make a positive attitude in the mind of the baby that has not even breathed on his own?

When I came to know that I am going to have a baby, I put myself into a rigorous regime of Healthy Diet, Pre-natal Medicines, Exercise, Resting and questioning every experienced person I know about what should I do to keep the baby healthy. And very often my Mother would say to me, "Stop worrying so much" "Keep a calm mind" "Do things that make you happy" “Talk to the baby” "Your happiness will affect the baby." 

"HOW?" I often wondered... And I didn't see how my mood and the fetus would be connected. And since I was on the mission to be the best mother ever, I did what every first time mother would. I googled! And to my astonishment Dr. Google came back with boat load of research about Pre-natal Psychology and Bonding with The Unborn Child and the Effect of Ante-Natal Bonding and lots more. There is so much to understand and learn as a parent. 

As I spent my time understanding the week by week growth of the baby, I understood the importance of Diet, Folic Acid, Vitamins, Proteins and Minerals on the growth of the baby. I kept myself updated about the tests and scans that we have to go through to monitor the growth and development of the fetus who was now rapidly developing into a baby. And to my astonishment a lot of the neurological circuit was in place even before the actual nervous system was in place. A primitive heart and Brain were in place as early as just a few weeks. Even though the baby could not listen or taste or see, it was still very much alive. Which means it had some superpower to be connected to me drawing everything from nutrition to nurturing form me – his first point of contact! Just at a few weeks, the baby had a heartbeat that would increase with mine when I felt anxious… AMAZING!

It took me a great deal of research to come to terms with the fact that as much as the physical diet and exercise was important, it was also imperative to be mindful about the thoughts, moods and attitude that I carried. Because apparently heartbeat wasn’t the only thing my unborn child would mirror. Once I realized this, my research went up a notch and I started scavenging the internet for more information about Pre-Natal Bonding. The concept that had echoed in the Tale of Abhimanyu was staring at me in the face with loads of research and facts… mythology was backed with scientific proof and suddenly I was alert of every thought I have had since then. I too want a “Healthy and Happy Baby"! So here is my understanding about Pre-natal Bonding!

What is Bonding and Why is it important?

The most relevant meaning of bonding is ‘to join or be joined securely to something else’ or ‘to establish a relationship or link with someone based on shared feelings, interests, or experiences.’

In our reference, it means to establish a connection with the life inside of you. It means to be prepared to welcome a new soul into your world and be able to express your feelings to the unborn being. It means to identify this part of you as an individual with emotions and understanding that cascades from you to it.  

To try and reflect one of the more creative adaptations of the concept “BOND” is

B – Being There

O – Offering yourself to the cause

N – Nurturing and Nourishing

D – Dedication and Determination

Keeping in mind the implication of Parents’ behavior (I say Parents’ because The Father is also as important as the mother) on the baby’s development, the fact that their thoughts and emotions also affect the development even before the baby is born remains a truth. For example, a particular psychology association admits that they get cases of Stress and Depression as early as ‘AT BIRTH’! Where does this stress come from? Many children grow up with a feeling of unwantedness (I just coined the term, but you know what I mean). It is common with the Parents who were planning and did not want a baby or who wanted a girl but had a boy or where the family had a stressful environment throughout the journey of conception to birth. It is a Fact! A rather scary one! And if you search for it, there are many research projects across the world that show us why a positive and happy attitude is so important. And we do have some tools to battle this!

I was in a fix... How can you talk to someone who isn't physically visible? It takes a lot of effort to train yourself to communicate your thoughts, even normally to others around you. Then How can you open your heart and mind to someone you haven't even met? I found that it was really difficult for me because I couldn't even feel the baby yet. How was I to talk to it? 

But I was determined to try and do my best. So here are somethings that I feel we can (try to) do to at least start are

Read Paragraphs or Books that have positive message :

Typically, I have been asked to read Ramayana aloud. Easier said than done, I say! I am not too religious and would not want to read anything religious aloud or not! However, it is a popular belief that Ramayana helps you have a baby like Lord Ram – the Ideal One! That’s what people from the Grandmother’s era believe. This knowledge is backed by a research by a leading university in the modern time. They got a group of pregnant women read a particular passage to the unborn children throughout the gestation. And the children responded to the passage even after they were born. Their expressions changed as they heard the same words. If words can make a difference, why wouldn’t the child imbibe the positive emotions that the mother has when reading it or narrating it. Maybe it forms the base of their early memory.

Cho0se your words wisely : 

Language is one of the things that the baby can learn even as it floats in your amniotic fluid. Research proves that the child learns the language he or she hears in utero much quicker than other languages. It responds to the words most frequently used by the Mother and the Father (after 20 weeks when it can actually listen to them) Hence, if you use a lot of positive and soothing words it develops the base of a positive vocabulary for the baby. An unborn child in a nuclear family typically listens to around 5000 words every day… imagine how many it hears when the mom is working or living with a joint family like in India. It is hence really important to train your tongue to bite itself before it lets out any edgy words!

Your Voice is Music to My ears, Mom :

The very first sound to an unborn child is that of the Mother’s heart and intestine! Then it’s his mother’s voice. MRI and Ultrasound Scans say that the baby cringes when it listens to high pitched voice from the Mother and post 20 weeks, around her as well. So using soothing tone while talking in general is a good idea. In my case, I cannot talk to the baby come what may! I am a talkative tortoise otherwise, but how do you talk to someone you cannot see? The simple way to overcome this challenge came to me as I was listening to this song on my playlist for the last 10 years and I started humming it. It occurred to me that I can sing to the baby whenever I listen to these songs. It has words, it has positive feel and no matter how bad I am at it, it has my voice! That was my first attempt to Bond!

Music helps :

Introducing the baby to music in utero is an excellent idea to help them calm down later. For a developing brain every day is a challenge. And many a times, it will be shadowed by anxieties and worries that you have about innumerable challenges of parenting. At such times soothing tunes and rhythmic beats help. Mozart is the first choice owing to the beats mirroring the mother’s heart beat, the music should not be loud or too heavy. That might make the baby cringe. Personally, I feel having a few lyrics in the preferred language should help more. My nephew would calm down at a few days after birth listening to Vande Mataram – our national song! It was cute… but now I understand why! Verses and mantras are a handy choice too!  Yoga and meditation with light music helps!

Talk food :

When eating describe what you eat. The baby is known to taste the food you eat post 5^th month. Don’t believe me? Well, in a study a group of women were asked to consume carrot juice during pregnancy while others had water as usual. Post birth, the children of carrot juice drinking moms preferred cereal with carrot juice as compared to the children of water drinking mothers. In my mind, food is one of the best ways to introduce the baby to your culture. Describe to it the colour and taste of things you eat. Use the safe spices so that the baby can get used to your palate. I agree that some cannot be a part of your diet, but most foods are nourishing. When you add positive thoughts to the cooking, presentation and eating these foods, they also become nurturing. Help them experience your choices.

Apart from these small things you can also indulge in art and explain the stuff you do. Engage them in every activity you have. I for one listen to and repeat a lot of positive affirmations. I don’t know if it helps him or her, but I enjoy saying good things to myself and in turn to him or her. It’s a calming experience and for someone who cannot sit up in one place for meditation, a few mins following the guided commentary is not a bad idea.

Having said all of this (albeit a long commentary) I have to say that it is not an easy task. But even the awareness about this concept helps to prepare for a wonderful soul who is going to imitate everything you do. It helps train your mind to be calm and patient – qualities needed for the challenges to come. What we do and say, reflects in the baby, even before they are born.

I am no expert in psychology or pre natal workshops or mommyhood, but I really think there is a lot to do to Create My Little Abhimanyu!