Who Are You - What would your answer be…

Have you ever heard the story of the Dying Lady?

It is a Japanese Tale associated with the concept we are about to take a look at. More about it after the story!

So as the tale goes, there was once a lady – old and grey. She had lived a long life of a school teacher, dutiful wife and a proud mother of 4 established children. While on her deathbed, one blessed midnight, she felt herself being pulled out of her human body and soon found herself at the gates for the Heaven.

“Who are you?” asked the Lord of the Heaven. “Think and answer for that will decide your way forth!”

“I am the wife of the village priest.” She said.

“I asked who you are, not whose wife you are.” The Lord said pleasantly.

“I am the mother of my 3 sons and a daughter.” She said a little hesitant now.

“I asked you who you are, not whose mother you are.” The pleasantness hadn’t faded away.

“I am a school teacher. I taught many children.” She replied haughtily, now irritated about the non-validation of her identity.

“I did not ask what you did for a living. I asked Who you are.”

The dialogue went on for some time before finally she replied, “I am the woman who wakes up every morning to nourish her family and mold the minds of young who come to her.”

She then woke up into a fresh morning with “The Purpose Of Her Being!” And the rest, as they say, is a history.

Now imagine, if you will, what would your answer be if you were The Dying Woman? I asked myself this question and it served as an eye opener. I thought and thought and thought! For the longest time I couldn’t find the apt reply to this question…

“Who am I?” some inner voice kept asking me! “Think hard… are you just a daughter, a sister, a wife or a mother?” I couldn’t say a firm Yes to that! Am I just the boss’ guy, the best sales person in your zone, the go to Trainer, the friend who is always there or the proud entrepreneur I aspire to be?

Am I just one or more of these identities? Or is there anything more to “Me”? Hadn’t I added an extra “e” to the “Mee” just make it unique to my writing? Was that an attempt to identify myself with that unique quality that was yet to be found? I kept asking myself as you would probably ask yourself “Who Are You”?

Mind you, do not do so just for the sake of answering to others. Do it for yourself and do not bother about how long it takes you to do it. It took me 30 years to even know that I was good at language. I loved to read and write and share the stuff I learnt. It took me 30 years to identify my skills, and once I did I am still trying not to let go of that side of mine. The process won’t be easy… and it will take a lot of self-awareness and focus to find answers, in my case, writing down the answers and rewriting them and then revisiting the first set… it did become tiresome at times and obsession at times… but the end result is awesome… For once you honestly attempt to answer the question, you will stand a chance to find “The Purpose Of Your Being”.

Like I said this will not be an easy process… No Sir! We often busy our minds to think about everything in the world other than that one entity that holds your world together – YOU! So to find the answer to this question we might have to break it down further. This is where an age old Japanese Concept comes into picture… “Ikigai”.

“Let’s talk English, shall we?”  

Ikigai is a Japanese term for "a reason for being." The word ‘Ikigai’ is usually refers to the source of value in one's life or the things that make one's life worthwhile. The word roughly translates to the "thing that you live for”. It is the reason you wake up every morning. A lucky few have found it and many out there are blissfully unaware of it. For me I have started the process and am still trying to achieve the best out of it. Like the Old Lady, you have to keep asking yourself “Who You Are” until you reach the answer that satisfies your soul. And keep revisiting it no matter how long it might take. If we were to look at the concept closely, we would believe, just like the Japanese do, that the secret to a long and happy life is Ikigai.

It is believed that every person to walk the face of the earth has one… You and I both have our own Ikigai and there are certain questions that can help you understand and pursue it because your Ikigai is your passion that keeps you going. It is the energy that drives you. It is the inner voice that backs every decision you take and every move you make. We all have that reason and sooner or later we find it. Once we do, nothing remains the same. The actions we take to realize our Ikigai, are not forced, but rather spontaneous. They ought to become a part of your life and it is believed to give the people who follow it a happy, long and fruitful life.

Let’s now have a look at how we can find it… Ikigai depends on the following model.

To simplify follow the series of questions Here’s what I have done so far :

Step 1   :           What am I good at?

At this stage you have to consider your strengths and skills. Think about that is it that you get complimented for. Think about that which makes you more comfortable and confident while you do it. This for me was a bit of a challenge. I was so used to thinking about where I lack, listing things I am good at took me a good deal of thinking.

My answers :

Teaching, Writing, Cooking, Communication Skills, Compassion towards Animals, Managing Relationships, People Connect

Step 2  :           What I love?

Now you need to focus on your interests. Things that you love to build, make, create or innovate. Think about the things that you can do without getting tired of. It can be anything that you get engrossed in. This for me was not as difficult but then I was caught between what I believed to be my interests and what really were… Since what I cook turns out good and people like it, I thought that it was my interest. But then there are times when I rather sit with my notebook than knife and ladles. Once I thought what I liked, the picture started building.

My answers :

Talking, Writing, Having long conversations with people, Spending time with dogs, watching motivational videos and analyzing what I learnt

Step 3  :           Finding your passion.

Now go through the answers from the Step 1 and Step 2. You might find one or more areas that are overlapping… this Skill and interests combined are what You are Passionate about. In short,

Skill + Interest =  Passion

For me, this point became crystal clear there were 3 things that Intersected – Writing, Communication and Compassion – towards animals and humans alike. So I guess my passion turns out to be Teaching and Writing (Which is a way of communication) and Connecting Empathetically to the beings around me.

Step 4  :           What does the world need?

No No No… you don’t have to be the baton bearer to show the world the right way. This stage is about what you can do to make small changes to your social circle, community or organization. Think about your ability to influence a situation or a group to do something fruitful. This point was a brain teaser for sure. I mean how can I figure out what the world needs? So I started looking at the immediate vicinity – My home, My friend circle and some of the social media platforms that I frequent. And soon I was able to get at least a few answers

My answers :

People need a safe space, they need Me Time, experience sharing, people need to talk and express their feelings not just digitally but vocally.

Step 5  :           Mission

Now consider the Steps 2 and 4. This is the connection that will help you establish a mission for yourself.

This establishes           Interest + Need = Mission

In my case it became clear as I collated these two lists. My mission should be “To Connect to people and share my experiences and help then get some productive Me Time.”

Step 6  :           I get paid to?

Now here is where you have to get your mind to think logic and practically. Think about everything you can do to earn now. Think about the things that can pay you or become your source of income. For me there was one thing that came easily because I was already a part of a system where I saw people making money doing exactly what my Passion was.

My Answer :  

Writer, Trainer, Influencer, Mentor or Social Media Influencer

I stuck to the first 2 – Writer and Trainer. (Influencer needs people who want to follow and I am still working towards it! And Mentor needs a lot of experience which I have just begun to gain.)

Step 7  :           Vocation

Now put steps 4 and 6 together to identify your Vocation. This is your area of expertise. This is the aspect which will pay you for giving back to the society.

Need + Getting Paid = Vocation

In my journey, I thought the world needed Someone to help them channelize it’s positivity and feelings and I could get paid for Facilitating and at times teaching the Know How. So my Vocation became Interactive Training and writing focusing on Human relations and feelings.

Step 8  :           Profession

Now considering the Step 1 and Step 6, establish your profession. This is the role you should be playing in the larger scale of things in your world.

Skill + Get Paid = Profession.

After quite a few failed attempts at writing Stories and Food related articles (Remember I thought Cooking is my passion)  I sat down to really thing about these two aspects. I was more skilled at Training and Writing. However writing would or would not get me the Money, where as training was a sure aim. Hence my chosen Profession became Training and I chose to sharpen my skills with the identified Vocation of Behavior and Softskills.

Step 9 :                        Ikigai

Now once you combine all these findings – Passion, Mission, Vocation and Profession what you get is the reason you exist. You find the validation of your identity. Sometimes it doesn’t match the actual self that you are… it is then that the Ikigai you have discovered acts as a guiding force. Sometimes explaining the intentions behind your choices and at other times helping you take decisions that seem to be harder to take. It helps you channelize your energy towards a goal that serves your new found purpose.

The answer to my “Who You Are?” is, I am a person who would like to connect to people through her trainings and writings and help them find their voice and channelize their energy towards personal productivity. 

I guess that is my Ikigai. For when I pursue it, I get this sense of immense fulfillment and more often than not I find myself more intimately connected to myself. This makes me happy and gives me that undying feeling of enthusiasm. Like every day I want to get up and reach out to as many as I can and make everlasting connections with them. From my experience I can tell that once you have successfully identified your Purpose of Being, Ikigai brings to you a certain satisfaction and more so a profound happiness. Isn’t that the recipe for a happy and considerably longer life?

Lesson Learnt :

“There is a passion inside you, a unique talent, that gives meaning to your days and drives you to share the best of yourself until the very end. Once you learn to recognize it and channelize the inert energy that it pumps into your veins, you have then found the answer to the question we all seek the answer to – Who Are You?”