“You never have time for me. It
is always you and those useless videos you keep watching” she complains for
what seems to be the millionth time. She has lost the count by now.
“I am with you… Look!” he says
putting his arm around her and continues to watch some comedy show.
“Are you?” she stares at him.
“What do you mean?” He shrugs as
if it is nothing to even talk about.
She has nothing to say… but she
is burning inside.
She slides into the kitchen,
takes a sip of cold water and gulps the futile anger with it and continues to
finish her chores.
Sounds familiar?
It is a typical conversation that
most married or live in couples have one time or the other. And believe me, no
one can change it. All we can do is maybe try to lessen the frequency of such
conversations and increase the quality time between us and our partner. Shall
we try then?
Before we begin, we need to
understand this carnal need to spend time together – the Need for We Time. We,
as in Your Partner and You, have different responsibilities. Yes! While you
have a plan in place to share them, they are different expectations that you
have defined for yourself. He is to earn and she is to cook. I am not saying he
doesn’t cook or she doesn’t step out the curb. However, we often get so
engrossed in our own expectations and responsibilities, we tend to forget that
we too have the right to shed all of that for some time and find ourselves… at
such times we often crave for some time off… This is the We time.
We Time is the time when you want
to forget about everything and just be with each other. It is the time which
should be used to remind yourself and each other the very reason of you being
together. It is an opportunity to say those unsaid things and steal your
private moments from the Rut of Life. We time is the time to rejuvenate the
feelings and dust off the “Taken for Granted – ness” that your life brings over
the time. It is the time to rediscover yourself and reinvent your
relationships!
Like everyone else, my husband
and I, also find ourselves craving for this We time and we have some tricks up
our sleeves to ensure that we try to grab a few moments of We time every day!
Yes, it is possible! I am taking the risk of sounding cheesy, but you really
don’t need those luxury vacations that burn a hole in your pocket to do this…
your bedroom equals to your We Time and here’s how!
The
10 seconds rule
While each of us is busy
attending to our own to do list, there is a way to melt into nothingness for
just 10 seconds and the result will astonish you! Every night before we sleep,
we hug each other for 10 seconds at least! Now now now… don’t you go painting
the town pink with your imagination! I am taking about a hug that says, “Let me
show you that you are special to me… My precious” It is the best way to
reassure yourself and your partner of the fact that you are physically and
emotionally there for each other. And we all need it! It just takes you to a
relaxed and happy place albeit for 10 seconds… but it works magic for the rest
of the night. I call it The Teddy Bear Hug!
Leave
the woes outside the bedroom door.
I know this one is tough. We had
to learn to keep our disagreements and fights off the bedroom. Never ever sleep
with unresolved issues… when it comes to issues related to expectations,
relationships, communication gaps, misunderstandings and misgivings there is
nothing like “Let’s sleep over it”. Actually it is “Let’s get over with it and
then sleep”
What strikes me the most about
this particular point is that when we started consciously practicing it, the
quality of time that we spent just before we turn in for the day got better. We
had lesser arguments and we learnt how to end the ones we had. We started
understanding the triggers and pacifiers for each other’s emotions a little
better. More so, the quality of sleep was better and that meant an absolutely
positive and fresh morning time.
Bedroom
is not TV room
My husband wants it and I don’t…
but I have successfully convinced him of the reason. We do not have TV in our
bedroom. After a day of running around and dragging oneself, TV Time is the
time to unwind, I agree. But that can be enjoyed in the living room on the
couch. Bedroom is a much intimate space. It is where you dump yourself after
being tired for the whole day. If we were to have a TV in the bedroom, we would
not even live in the rest of the house, would we? Besides, when you view in
living room and sleep in the bedroom, you tend to switch it off at a humanly
hour and turn in. Also, when we are in the bedroom we tend to talk, read to
each other, plan the week ahead, discuss stuff related to real life and so much
more… to let you in on a secret – he sometimes hums to me. Bedroom, in turn
becomes more personalized and happy.
There
is your space, my space and then there is our space
This one is tricky. So when we
get married or start living together we don’t necessarily have to be fused as
one. We are different individuals who have different needs. He likes to dump
clothes in his closet and she likes those plastic baskets to organize hers… and
they both deserve to keep their closets the way they prefer. So in our bedroom,
apart from the bed nothing is shared. He has his own set of things, mostly a
tangle of wires and electronics, on his bed side table and I have my creams and
brushes and colors on my side table… he has his dresser and I have my chest of
drawers. This helps us have our individual space while we share the common
space that is our bedroom.
Mobiles
go silent
Most of the times, mobiles are
the biggest hindrance in our We time. It is the villain that keeps the hero and
the heroine separate. So by the rule issued in public interest, both of us keep
our mobile phones on silent or vibrate mode. We are guilty of watching YouTube
series or a movie of two while cuddled up on the phones, but once that’s over
the phone goes aside and we tuck in. This is not just healthy for your
relationship but also for your health. You sleep better and you know the rest!
So these are a few things that we
have started experimenting with. It has helped a lot but more so Bedroom has
become a happy place to be at when you want to shed off the masks and put your
feet up!
Lesson Learnt : A healthy
relationship is not about counting minutes, it is about making every minute
count. Give each other the best gift of it all – Time, and then pull your
sheets up to let Time work its magic! Happy Living!
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